Fellow single women, we’ve grown tired of hearing the same things, over and
“Why don’t you have a boyfriend?”
“You’re too pretty to be single.”
“So, you’re single… what’s wrong with you?”
For the years I’ve remained single, I’ve repeatedly fired back with one simple
answer: “I’m not in love with anyone.”
They say that when you fall in love with someone, you feel euphoria and weak
in the knees. Supposedly, “you just know.” It’s something over which you
have no control.
But, other people tell me that to love someone is a “choice,” something you
can and do control. I’ve come to realize that people are not telling me about
the same force, but rather, about two completely different forces: being in
love and loving.
The biggest difference? One can exist without the other, while one of them
To love is to choose to love. We love our parents because they go to the
ends of the earth for us. We love our friends because we can confide
everything in them.
We love our boyfriends because they are there for us. But, how do we know
if we were in love with our boyfriends?
Last year, I broke up with my now-ex-boyfriend. One morning, I woke up and
realized something: I wasn’t in love with the man next to me.
When I tried to explain to him what I meant, I was unable to find the right
words to say. I couldn’t express myself articulately because I could barely
understand why I felt what I was feeling.
All I could definitively say was I felt unsatisfied. When I tried to rationalize, I
concluded that I cared for him deeply. I respected him; I trusted him; I even
loved him — but I was not in love with him.
To love a man is to support his passions; to be in love with a man is not only
to back his passions, but also to admire them to the point that his hunger for
them motivates you to be just as hungry for yours.
To love a man is to share all of your thoughts with him;
to be in love with a man is to share all of your thoughts with him, and when
you’re not with him, to see him in every place you go, think of him with every
person you meet and feel him in every scent you smell.
To love a man is to feel warmer in his embrace; to be in love with a man is
to feel warmer in his embrace and subsequently desire to please him any
chance you get because you have just as much a fervor to physically express
yourself with him as you do emotionally.
You can be in love with a man, and loving him will automatically come with
the package, but you don’t have to necessarily be in love with a man in order
to love him.
Time and time again, I question whether I should have taken up one of my
male friends on his offer to be my boyfriend. I declined them all, and I’m still
But, in my heart, I know it’s for the best. If it should have happened, then it
would have. It would have felt right because it should have felt indescribable.
I will always love them, and for some, simply loving can be enough. But, for
others, falling and staying in love, without choice and without reason, is the
only way to experience love.
To pair with a man I believe I can learn to love, in hopes of falling in love
with him later on, is a leap of faith I won’t take.
It is my belief that we, as humans, each have unique thresholds for what we
believe being “in love” means. We should abide by our personal thresholds
and put faith in them.
This threshold varies from person to person based on how much more
intensely one is able to fall for someone, above how intensely another can
fall for someone else.
We cannot judge one couple’s love over another’s. We cannot judge the way
one person loves against the way another does.
We cannot judge a single woman for staying single because she hasn’t been
able to satiate her, thus far, insatiable appetite because we all feel things
And, perhaps, it’s the extremity of falling in love, in and of itself, that
separates the logical from the dreamers.
gotten from ELITE DAILY